By Jeff Bell.
We hear of people seeking wisdom. Wisdom is not for the getting, it is a state of being.
It is the result of a life lived, reflected on and at least partly understood. It may come to us–when we least expect it.
And we often make the link between age and wisdom–as if longevity gives us an automatic entitlement. But a long life, without reflection and insight, does not make for wisdom. It has something to do with taking the learning and insights we have garnered and projecting them into what is now unfolding and what is yet to emerge. George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) wrote:
“We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.”
And to further scotch the idea of wisdom being the sole preserve of the elderly, wisdom is often evinced in the young. It may be that extraordinary experiences, having to deal with long-term uncertainty, difficulties and especially trauma, can give rise to wisdom in someone way in advance of their years.
Regardless of what age a person may be, wisdom comes from many sources, and in many forms. In his superb book The School of Life, Alain De Botton describes the wisdom of:
- Realism. Being realistic about how challenging things can be, being fully conscious of the complexities entailed, rarely expecting anything to go wholly easy or to go entirely well.
- Appreciation. Being properly aware that things can and will go wrong, seeing how hard things can get, and so drawing the full emotional value from the peaceful and the sweet.
- Folly. Accepting that more than half of our life is irrational, and so we budget for madness and being slow to panic, when it reliably rears its head.
- Humour. Taking the business of laughing at ourselves seriously, laughing from the collisions between the noble way we want things to be and the demented way that they turn out.
- Politeness. Being reluctant to tell others too frankly what we think, being nice in social settings rather than authentic and seeking what we have in common, not what divides.
- Self-acceptance. Having made peace with the gap between what we would like to be versus what we actually are; not being ashamed of ourselves as we have shed our pride.
- Forgiveness. Knowing that most hurt caused is unintentional, and a by-product of the collision between blind competing egos in a world of scarce resources; being slow to anger and judgement.
- Resilience. Knowing how far to push the boundaries of our hopes and aspirations and how to find contentment; to deal with what we have, in a more confined space.
- Envy. Realising that there are good reasons why we don’t have some of the things we want; appreciating the role of luck and not taking others’ success personally or negatively.
- Success and failure. Balancing the aspiration with what’s possible, without losing the sense of ourselves, never exaggerating the transformations possible; looking for the learning from both these outcomes.
- Regrets. Not living in the past but moving on. Accepting that what has happened can’t be changed and we do not waste time and emotional energy trying to correct it.
- Calm. Knowing that turmoil is always around the corner, therefore enjoying the moments of quiet and solitude, free of anxiety where possible, never afraid of having boring times.
And may I add:
- Tolerance. Knowing that we all may fall short in others’ expectations and that this makes us normally human; there is more to all of us than we may seem.
Above all else, I believe that wisdom and humility are inextricably linked. The wise know that wisdom is not a finite achievement, a qualification or a constant state of being. That we will have moments when we lack wisdom and that there is always much more to learn. Wisdom, if and when attained, will be fleeting.
As is often the case, we may leave the closing quote to William Shakespeare (1564-1616):
“A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.”