By Jeff Bell
Image: fizkes, iStock
It’s so easy to accept the person who shows up to work each day.
What we see is what we get—isn’t that how it works?
The thing is, there are many things that lie below the surface, that can’t be just left at home.
Every one of us is susceptible to the tragedies of life. We may have been diagnosed with a serious illness—life threatening even. Our partner or our child may be experiencing the same. A loved one may be dying, or have just died. One of more of our children may have severe behavioural issues. We may be battling injury or disease or be in the grip of a severe addiction….
We may have expressed this to others, but we may just as likely sat on the information for any number of reasons. And inevitably, our capacity to do our work and to interact with others is compromised. We are well below our best.
The chances are, the leader or manager may be the last to know.
Like every other creature, humans are hard-wired to react. Yes, still our ancient DNA tunes us to read the signs and be ready for action, but hopefully have enough self-awareness to know that we can make more nuanced choices. It’s no longer a matter of life or death. Or is it?
First know this, as Jefferson Fisher explains in The Next Conversation:
“The person you see isn’t the person you’re talking to.”
So how can the leader read the signs, as well as developing the trust that permits people to reveal their true selves and their current state?
By being prepared to look deeper and further and demonstrate that we care:
- Know everyone by name. Acknowledgement from the leader is a powerful morale booster—people willingly give their loyalty to such a leader. Ask people how they are and listen deeply for the answer. Read the body language; ask a follow-up question.
- Say what you will do. Do what you say. It may take 10 occasions of such congruent behaviour before people truly trust us. It may take only 1 misstep to lose that trust, maybe forever. Integrity creates trust—without which we cannot lead.
- Be vulnerable, but never weak. If we can own up to our shortcomings we become more likeable and people can relax about their own shortcomings. Together we can address challenges, work to meet them and build strong relationships. This is authentic modelling.
- Show compassion and be fair—regardless of gender, age, race, religion, politics or class. We demonstrate by word and deed that we care for our staff, without exception. If things go wrong, we look for faults in our systems, never blaming or punishing.
- Always speak positively. It doesn’t matter how we are feeling—giving our staff reason to be optimistic and to be inspired is part or our role—all day, every day. The leader needs impulse control and force of will to achieve this.
- Be curious. Ask others—team leaders, workmates—informally for their reading of the people around them. They will be closer to the action and more likely to be in receipt of confidential information. This is not snooping, but genuine intent to understand.
- Be empathetic. When someone takes us into their confidence, we seek to acknowledge, understand and respect their challenges as well as them as a person. If possible, we develop deep conversations, while being non-judgemental and treating them with kindness, through mutual self-disclosure.
- Understand thedanger. Who would want the exposure of leadership when there is so much at stake and so many traps to fall into? Yet, here we are. Great leaders understand the world, get clarity and make a plan; while always being calm.
- Take action. Courageous leadership serves the great cause of our business and our people. Having understood the problems ahead and knowing full well the dangers involved, we use our resources and influence to do what is right over what is comfortable.
And we remember that, as legendary comic and good guy Robin Williams said:
“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
Be kind.
Always.”