We know that all dog breeds have descended from the wolf.
Domestication brought very different behaviours to canines—of course, those that we deemed were suitable for creatures sharing our living spaces.
But research studies from the 1960s, by Erik Zimen and others, brought a greater appreciation of the indigenous wolf, where before there had been widespread mistrust, fear and loathing.
Now hopefully their slide to extinction has been arrested.
But there is a less admirable, nonetheless pervasive, canine in our society, most unlike either the wolf or the pooch.
I am talking about the career Underdog.
He who whose behaviours stick out like the proverbial:
- He is a sheep in wolf’s clothing. Timid, but always posturing.
- He skulks in his lair, whinging about how unfair the world is.
- He never gives credit to his opponent.
- He won’t take responsibility for a conflict. He will blame someone else for starting it.
- He claims that he can’t win a fight and then he will strike when his opponent is distracted.
- If he does win, he triumphalises—sticking it to his opponent. But this doesn’t last long.
- Then he feels uneasy and wants to be that sheep in wolf’s clothing again.
- When he does lose, he returns to whinging about the oppressors in his world.
- He never wants to be a leader, because that’s too hard to hold.
- He takes unbridled comfort in being that Underdog—it’s safe!
In fact, the Underdog is really a victim in disguise. The victim frequents the Drama Triangle which is a powerful model that can explain show how to read negative behaviour and resolve it—especially from a leadership point of view. The model was first published in 1968 by Stephen Karpman, a student of Eric Berne, the “father” of Transactional Analysis.
The Drama Triangle models the connection between personal responsibility and power in conflicts, and the destructive and shifting roles people play. Karpman defined the 3 roles in any conflict—as, for example, the Victim is not intended to represent an actual victim, but rather someone feeling or acting like one.
The Victim‘s stance is “Poor me!” He/she feels oppressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed, and seems unable to make decisions, solve problems, take pleasure in life, or achieve insight. The Victim will seek out a Persecutor (you, if you’re the leader) or, in the case of an Underdog, anyone above them.
The Persecutor’s stance is “It’s all your fault.” In any given situation, you may be controlling, blaming, critical, oppressive, angry, authoritarian, rigid and superior—or it may just be how the Victim characterises you (so don’t take it personally!).
The third point of the triangle is the Rescuer who will not only save the day but also perpetuate the Underdog’s/Victim’s negative feelings.
The Rescuer’s stance is “Let me help you.” The Rescuer feels guilty if he/she doesn’t take over. But this rescuing has negative effects: it keeps the Victim dependent and gives him/her permission to fail. This also means that the focus is taken off the Rescuer who will have his/her own anxiety and issues, disguised as concern for the Victim.
A Drama Triangle arises when someone assumes the Victim/Underdog role against a Persecutor and then enlists a Rescuer.
These situations occur because each player gets their unexpressed needs met, without acknowledging the harm that they cause. Each player is acting selfishly, rather than as a responsible Adult.
What if you are up against an entrenched Underdog, who will create a crisis and use the Drama Triangle as a weapon? As the leader, you need to remember that each triangle has a payoff for those involved.
The only way to escape the Drama Triangle is to not play the game. Ideally, all parties would move to what is known in TA as the Adult ego-state, using all of each person’s grown-up resources.
In the meantime, you can help the Underdog with problem solving—instead of their complaining, ask “What is your ideal outcome? What are your options? How could you get there?”
Make a practice of always calling out the behaviours for what they are and resist playing the game.
Don’t feed that sneaky sheep in wolf’s clothing.