Every day there is evidence that the majority doesn’t get it. The majority mostly doesn’t see the minority, and therefore finds it difficult to understand them.
We are seeing it today with the debate over the Australia Day timing. This may be about the right or wrong date or ceremony, and it is also about the recognition of different viewpoints.
When the minority makes itself heard, the majority most often digs in to maintain the status quo. They don’t want their world disrupted, the don’t want to consider a different point of view. The most common reaction is to deride the minority. This may become stifling neglect or outright persecution.
Then there will be inevitably a further entrenchment of viewpoints—the arrogant and the oppressed, the persecutor and the victim.
This happens because the majority culture automatically becomes a Persecutor, whether they realise it or not.
They will be resented by a Victim minority. And then there is the Rescuer.
This Drama Triangle models the connection between responsibility and power in conflicts, and the destructive and shifting roles people—individually and collectively—play. These 3 roles are not intended to represent an actual persecutor, but rather a group or someone, acting like one.
- The Persecutors’ stance is “It’s all your fault.” In any given situation, Persecutors may be controlling, blaming, critical, arrogant, angry, authoritarian, rigid and superior, their reality may be the only “truth”—or it may just may be how the Victim characterises them.
- The Victims’ stance is “Poor me!” Victims feel oppressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed, and seem unable to make decisions, solve problems, take pleasure in life, or achieve insight. The Victims will seek out a Persecutor (the majority culture).
Then that third player joins the fray:
- The Rescuers’ stance is “Let me help you.” Rescuers feel guilty if they don’t take over. But this rescuing has negative effects: it keeps the Victims dependent and gives them permission to fail. This also means that the focus is taken off the Rescuers who will have their own anxiety and issues, disguised as concern for the Victim. The Rescuers will not only seek to save the day but also will perpetuate the Victims’ negative feelings.
These situations occur because each group gets their unexpressed needs met, without acknowledging the harm that they cause. Each group is acting selfishly, rather than as responsible Adults.
These positions get in the way of fair outcomes for all people, particularly the minority groups.
But we need to remember that each triangle has a payoff for those playing it.
The only way to escape the Drama Triangle is to not play the game.
We need to rise above.
Ideally, all parties would move to what is known as the Adult ego-state, using grown-up resources, acting as Adults (also read here, “leaders”) who:
- Help the Victim with problem solving—instead of their complaining, ask “What is the ideal outcome; what are your options?” Urge the Victims to resist involving others.
- Nurture the Rescuers by asking “How can you achieve your goals? What are your options?” Discover their anxieties. When approached by a Victim, encourage the Rescuer to have a similar conversation on ideal outcome and options.
- Challenge the Persecutors to consciously encourage and build others up; to look for the learning in their own lives, to understand what difficulties the Victims are facing.
Instead of hanging on to our majority or minority status, let’s try to understand the other party and be fair.
Here is a great example. In 2017, the majority—80% of eligible Australians, voluntarily voted: 62% of them supporting same-sex marriage. The majority acted in the interests of the minority, not out of self-interest but clearly as an act of compassion, of fairness.
One group, who had felt forever neglected, disadvantaged and oppressed, were granted access to what they wanted. Ultimately because the majority acted in the interests of others—serving the minority.
While not without heartache for many, the vote’s net effect was overwhelmingly liberating.
A majority acting without arrogance.